[Awards] Game of The Year 2017
NOTE: Something went wrong and two of the paragraphs got messed up so for this post I will be using Helvetica instead of the normal Times font, as changing those to a different font was the only solution I could find.
Hello and welcome to OH MY GOD TRUMP IS LITERALLY MURDERING MINORITIES RAPING WOMEN AND MAKING TRANSGENDER INDIVIDUALS LIVE AS THEIR BIRTH GENDER.
Is what I would say if I was completely retarded. Instead I'm gonna list off some of the best and worst games I played this year, that came out this year. Yes this time I actually have played enough recently released games make a game of the year post HOLY SHIT. Normally I spend so much time playing games that came out 1+ year ago and sometimes even 10+ years ago that I just don't play current games. I got a backlog, I love old games, and I'm still working on playing lots of games from the PSX and PS2 era, and even some games from the PS3 era. But you see this year I got a PS4 finally, so I had to of course play PS4 games, and some of them were even released this year! WOW! So, basically, keep in mind that these are just games that I actually played this year. I didn't play a lot of games so while I might mention some I never got around to/didn't have interest in, those're not gonna be receiving any "awards".
Some games that came out this year that I wanted to play but didn't get around to are:
Get Even, which seems like a an interesting and weird psychological thriller FPS. Didn't get around to it cuz I had other games + money.
Observer, which is super Blade Runner-y and has Rutger Hauer in it. Didn't get around to it cuz money and it also is kind of a walking simulator.
Echo, which I saw Vinny Caravella play on a Giant Bomb East Playdate episode, but didn't get around to it cuz money again but also it didn't seem that interesting.
And Trails in the Sky 3rd Chapter, which I didn't play cuz I just did not know it came out and it was too late by the time I did
N ow like I said I did play games released this year, though then again most of them were- FUCK. Most of the games I played were remasters, ports, and re-releases of older games. God dammit, even when I'm playing new games I'm playing old games. Well since that's most of what I played, how about we start off with that category?
REMASTERS, RE-RELEASES, AND PORTS:
Let's start by listing off all of these I played.
Kingdom Hears 2.8(port of Kingdom Hearts 3D is in there)
Kingdom Hearts 1.5+2.5(which contains a total of 4 old games that I played)
.hack//G.U. Last Recode(contains 3 and 1/8 games)
Undertale PS4
Resident Evil: Revelations PS4
Final Fantasy IX PS4
That's 11 old games. 11 of the games I played this year were remasters, ports, or just re-releases. Oof.
But then comes the question: Which is best? Well I think I can answer that!
Best Port:
This one isn't tough and in fact there's really no contest. I played 2 ports. One of which I only played like an hour of. That one's RE:Re. So Undertale wins. I mean I think that's actually a fair one, since it does have just a bit of additional content. Not much, but it's there. While the Japanese Text setting was rolled out for the PC version too, there's a new area called the Dog Shrine that's exclusive to the PS4 version. It's a totally superfluous side quest where you have to put in like around 500G, 1 at a time, as a donation to the dog shrine. And the dog keeps spending it on bullshit. At the end you get no reward or anything and have basically just wasted your time and money.
But you get trophies!
Best Remaster/Re-release:
There was a toss up between KH1.5+2.5 and Last Recode but there's a certain something in Recode that makes it lose the match instantly. So
Kingdom Hearts HD 1.5+2.5 ReMIX is the winner! Recode has some nice stuff, like the terminal disc and the parody mode videos, BUT KH has 4 whole games, 2 cutscene compilations, and when you beat a game you unlock a cool theme for your PS4! With other factors it's the clear winner.
Now that we got old games out of the way, how about new games? Well, let's start with the worsts of the year, since that's most fun and I didn't play many bad games anyway.
Dumbest Game:
Outlast 2
Now, lemme stress that Outlast 2 is not a bad game. It's not one of the worst games of 2017. It is however really fucking stupid. I mentioned it on twitter when I was playing but lemme list off some things this game features:
Blood Shower
Blood Toilet
Blood Hallway
Blood Rain
Blood Lake
There was lots of fucking blood. It was hilarious, not scary. I can't believe they were trying to scare me with this. I mean are you fucking kidding me?
Worst Horror Game:
Don't Knock Twice
I haven't seen Don't Knock Twice, the horror movie that this game was made to be a tie in for, but if I had maybe this game woulda made some sense. There's no set up. They just drop you into a spooky house and you just kinda wander around looking for where to go next. The only thing that lets me know at all what's going on is the summary on the PSN page. I'm pretty sure it was ripped from the movie's wikipedia article. Basically you just wander around in the dark and I honestly can't remember anything happening, at least anything that was a threat to me. I had no idea where I was going and I finally got to puzzle where I had to find 3 alchemy things, but I was only able to find one. It wasn't scary, it was boring, and it was total nonsense.
Worst Remake:
Yakuza Kiwami
There's nothing "extreme" about Kiwami, aside how "extremely" unbalanced it is. So Yakuza Kiwami is a ground up remake of Yakuza. Not a remaster, not an "enhanced version". It's a remake. They remade it with a new engine for a new console. They didn't change the story, just the gameplay and also made some additions. Sounds great, right? That's the kind of thing we want. Ever since they started putting out "x with better graphics", people have been wanting them to actually make that and not just put out these lazy remasters. So for Yakuza Kiwami and Shadow of the Colossus, they did. But Kiwami sucks. You want a good ground up remake, you go play Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes. Don't come here. They changed the combat to how it was in Yakuza 0, which is basically just giving one character all the fighting styles of the different Yakuza characters. What I mean by this is Rush Mode is just Akiyama's fighting style, Beast Mode is just Taiga's fighting style, etc. Remember when you played Yakuza 4 and instead of being Kiryu you were a loan shark named Akiyama? Remember how cool it was that he played so differently from Kiryu? Remember when you then were put in control of Taiga, and he was big and heavy and could PICK UP FUCKING MOTORBIKES? Well fuck that shit. Now Kiryu just does all that. Coming Soon: Yakuza 4 Kiwami, where you just play as Kiryu instead of the others cuz now he plays the same as all of them. The Majima Everywhere system is bullshit and turns him into a full on joke. Most of the substories are just "fight some dudes okay it's over". Every boss does a stupid HP recovery thing that makes them pretty much invincible during it and the move that stops it from happening doesn't work half the time. Guns and most knives cause Kiryu to grovel on the floor for 30 seconds before you can move again and A BUNCH OF BOSSES NEAR THE END USE GUNS. The combos are way more basic "mash square and then triangle a bunch". You can't play the arcade games. Pocket Circuit is guessing and luck. Most bosses don't have cool QTEs anymore. Learning Komakis moves is a pain in the ass. The game is not fun.
Yakuza Kiwami is a turd.
Worst Game of The Year:
.hack//G.U. Vol. 4//Reconnection:
This could also work for "biggest disappointment" even more so than Kiwami. You know why? Because this isn't a game. This is a digital fanfiction. And you know what, it wouldn't be so bad, if this was just something that already existed and was put on this collection. But no, this is a new game. This was never before released. This is the lost volume 4 that they didn't get to make until now. And it's a fucking 3 hour fanfiction.
I'm sorry did I say 3 hours? Well that's how long it took me personally. It took my friend 90 minutes to beat it. Volume 4. Of a series that typically had 20 hour installments. 1-3 hours. Are you fucking kidding me? And that'd be bad enough! Sure the story is poorly paced, it's just plot point to plot point "hey we found ovan we need the epitaph to save him but zelkova has the epitaph gotta save him his sister took us to the monster that ate him okay we saved him and got the epitaph back so we save ovan oh the sister was really aida but she's not bad oh no that monsters back okay we beat him the end". That's the story. They put BRAND NEW NEVER BEFORE SEEN volume 4 on here. I was looking forward to this. Sure, I bought it to play these games again but I wanted to see this new volume too. It was garbage. Total fucking ass. It was 2~ hours of hot garbage straight from fanfiction dot fucking net. Like seriously, so much of this nonsense makes no sense and comes off like how you'd write a fanfic sequel. Haseo has been working for the NAB, the Network Administration Bureau, aka the big major thing since so much of life in the .hack world is digital including the government now, for a year. It has been a year since the end of 3. When he was 17. He got a job at the NAB at 17. And somehow after working there for only a year and having no computer knowledge outside of being able to run his god damn vr headset, he has rose to the top, become a researcher, created mods that can destroy creatures in a game he didn't develop, and figured out where Ovan is. Oh right somehow Ovan is also physically still in the world and we have to save him in there to un-coma him. But he's encased in ice for some reason. Zelkova has a sister but it's not actually his sister because she's Aida. So aida is a kuudere loli. There is a random monster that is after Haseo because this fanfic needs an outer conflict it's an action story. Zelkova is actually not human and is an AI... because. Sakubo has gone completely insane. Endrance is even gayer than normal. You can marry Ovan at the end. Ovan also wants to die for some reason? Cuz it's angsty? Do you believe me that this is a fanfic yet? Like I mean it, I wouldn't be surprised if this exact story was on archive of our own or something. They even rehash the ending of 3 in this. It's the same as fucking Cubia but less meaningful. This "game" is a mess. It's crap. It's shit. It's a disappointment. It's a ripoff. I know I bought these for the other games but how many people bought it for this? This game is about as long as fucking Ground Zeroes, and that game was GOOD.
Fuck.
Second Worst Game I Didn't Play:
Doki Doki Literature Club!
More like Doki Doki SHITerature Club!
So I lied at the beginning. I didn't play this game but it's getting an award anyway. Doki Doki Literature Club, for those who have luckily never been unfortunate enough to hear of it, is a VN that masquerades as a fairly generic dating sim about being in a book club at a japanese high school.
It's not.
There, I spoiled it. It's not that. It's the Madoka Magica of VNs. It pretends it's a lighthearted thing but it's actually dark, so people play it goin "oh man I bet this is shit" and then see it's super dark and CURAAAAAAAYZY and they tell more people "M-MAN WOW Y-YOU GOTTA PLAY THIS I WON'T SPOIL IT BUT HEHEHEH IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK HAHAHA". I admit I fell victim to this bullshit when I saw Madoka. I'm so glad I didn't perpetuate it this time. It's so fucking dumb. Look I'm not saying a game can't be all dark, that it can't be more than it first appears to be, that it can't take a genre and play with it. I'm a Spec Ops: The Line apologist. I like Undertale for fucks sake. NieR(not automata) is one of my favorite games. I love Ever 17: ~The Out of Infinity~, which appears to be just a story about people getting stuck in a underwater thing and needing to get out but is way more complicated and even employs metanarrative misdirections that rely on your expectations to work. I'm not saying you can't do something like this, I'm saying you can't do this.
There. I spoiled the whole thing. That's the plot of Doki Doki Literature Club!. You know the dumb twist. You know that and how it gets all meta. You don't have to waste your time now.
Speaking of a meta game where you do shit with character files and get messages from the dev while the game is running, just play One Shot instead. It's way better, not edgy, and isn't pretending to be some other game entirely.
Oh and btw, I wonder if you noticed it saying the dev was Dan Salvato. Yeah, this isn't even fucking japanese you faggots. The only good thing I can say about this is that it's free, so at the very least he's not charging people money for this crap.
This game and how people see it is so bad even the negative reviews are shit!
Oh man you guys I'm givin this game a negative reviee cuz it was TOO SCARY OH EM GEE.
I don't even need to comment on this one do I?
There is a pretty good one actually. Really good. Read this one:
http://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198002101271/recommended/698780/
Worst Game I Didn't Play:
"NieR": Automata
It may seem weird that I'm gonna be spending less time shitting on this than I did for Shitty Shitty Pisserature Crab, but don't get me wrong. This game is worse, I hate it more, and it pisses me off more. The difference is two things: 1: Despite hating the fuck out of this game, I imagine I'd probably enjoy it more than I would DDLC if I played it, because I mean it is 90% the same game as it's predecessor. 2: I'm tired of fucking thinking about this game. I've bitched about it on twitter for like a year now. I've seen people spasming with joy over how amazing it is for like a year now. I've heard as in actually audibly heard people jerking off over how great it is for like a year now. I wanna put this thing behind me. I only wanna think about this game ever again if it becomes free on PS+ so I can find out if there's anything of merit in this soulless rehash cashgrab without supporting it financially, or at the very least be better able to write a long bitchy review of it. Until that day comes, and probably not even on that day, I wanna pretend this does not exist.
I'll say this, and that's gonna be the end of it:
"NieR": Automata™ is the Obnoxious Pretentious Hipster Retard Version of NieR: Replicant/Gestalt, made to pander to the lowest common denominator of gamer, much like DDLC. The only people who like it are people who either didn't play the original, didn't like the original, or just pretend to be fans of the original. I hate how popular it is, not just cuz it's a lazy rehash, but because the majority of its fans don't care about the original at all. Fuck it.
Now that that nonsense is outta the way, how about some bests? Let's start with a simple one!
Cutest Game:
Snake Pass vs. A Hat In Time
I didn't play that many cute games this year, surprisingly. And I haven't even finished either of the above! Maybe that's a little unfair but I mean I don't think it's that big of a deal. This is kind of a tough choice. Snake Pass is super cute, you play as a viva pinata-ass lookin snake that sliiiiiides around and collects stuff, and you have to solve puzzles of how to get up on to things when you have no arms. It's a unique game, I dunno if there are any other games where you play as a snake outside of like a mini game or somethin'. You do that in this, and it's super fun. The mechanics are great, because, well, you're controlling a snake! But I gotta say... for cutness I think A Hat In Time beats it out. It is adorable. Anyone who's been following its production knows this, double if you've actually played it. One of the first things you can do is dive off a diving board into a pool of pillows and swim around in them. The second thing you can do is ride on a roomba that has a cute little >_< face. You play as a little girl in a top hat. One of the trophies is for sitting in like 3 chairs and it's called "If I Fit, I Sit.". This game is the cutest.
Best Tech Demo:
Kingdom Hearts 0.2: Birth by Sleep ~A Fragmentary Passage~
What a title. KH0.2 is a basically a KH3 tech demo, but you still get a bit of story stuff. It's an expansion of the "A Fragmentary Passage" super secret(as in it was the second secret ending) from Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep. That took place after the True Ending, and let you take control of Aqua as she fights Heartless for the first time. The same thing happens here, she's trapped in the Realm of Darkness and fights the Heartless there. This time however, you see that what's happening to her is occurring alongside KH1, and actually ends around the time of that game's ending. It's basically a set up for how we're gonna get Aqua out of there, and even a little bit for how we can potentially save Terra, who should be gone for good considering both his Heartless and Nobody are dead. But that alone wouldn't be enough, what's great is that it shows off the new combat system, which I think is immensely improved. It basically combines the fun over the top contextual Reaction Commands from II with the deck and style system from BBS, both of which are improved. The controls feel so much less clunky than they used to, everything flows and is fun to do. You still get to do cool shit like teaming up with mickey to blast a big thing with light beams from your keyblade, but it's no longer just a matter of "well this is the part of the fight where this happens press triangle to do the thing". Now you have to build up your command style meter to pull those things off. So it actually requires skill at the game! And unlike before your skill at the game isn't hampered by the awkwardness of the controls, everything feels great. Everything looks great too, and I'm looking forward to how KHIII will look because of it. It's fun you get to fight new enemies and use new abilities, and get a sneak peek at what's to come!
Best Horror Game:
Resident Evil 7 vs. Yomawari: Midnight Shadows
This one is a tough choice for really reals. I love RE7, I'm so glad I was able to play it around when it came out. It's a lot of fun, it's a great survival horror game, it's a great Resident Evil game, and it looks fucking gorgeous especially with my PLAYSTATION 4 PRO. No seriously, it's one of the first games to be PS4 ENHANCED(Hanced, hanced, hanced...) and it looks even better. I like it a lot I mean A LOT. But... I also really like Yomawari 2. I really like the first Yomawari, it's a really good spooky game. Yomawari 2 is much more of the same and it actually kinda scares me sometimes. It's not to say RE7's atmosphere isn't good, but I think Yomawari's is maybe better. The monsters in either don't really scare me. Though, there are probably more tense moments in RE7, since in Yomawari when you die don't even lose puzzle progress. Then again, you die in one hit in Yomawari and in RE7 you can buff yourself up so much nothing can kill you. Or at least not easily. RE7 is more cheesy cuz it's Resident Evil, but also sometimes Yomawari is unintentionally goofy like when... pots are attacking you.
See the dilemma here?
I honestly dunno which to pick. Even if we go with graphics for some dumb reason, you'd think RE7 would win but I love the artstyle and design of Yomawari. I hate it when people make 2D games these days and still make them pixel shit. We don't have to use pixels anymore guys, we can have actual drawings with actual animations for sprites now. It used to be pandering to nostalgia but now it's just a thing you do. You're makin an indie game it's pixels. But here comes Yomawari with lovely artwork and cute sprites that aren't pixelart. And hell a horror game that's that instead of pixels? God damn. And I actually really like stuff like Lone Survivor. Still, RE7 looks damn good. I also haven't actually finished Yomawari. I finished RE7 and that... actually reminds me that there's the part where you have to play the boat section twice and that trying to go with the cute southern short hair gets you the bad ending. Plus the last boss is as "walk forward and guard", and then basically just an action sequence you can't lose. So you know what?
Yomawari: Midnight Shadows wins best horror game!
Game of the Year:
Tales of Berseria vs. Persona 5
Oof, this is a tough one. Which to choose? I love both of them. I love the Tales series, I love the Persona series. Both have some really great Dramatic JRPG Moments, though 5's is maybe better. It really is pretty hard to choose. Some of the parts of 5 feel like filler, like the Kaneshiro part(he didn't even have any relation to one of the main cast until the arc starts), but Berseria has plenty of filler too I mean it's a Tales game. I can't make the judgement based on that. Both took me about 100 hours to beat. Both have fantastically improved combat mechanics for their series. Both have some great fill o sofy cal and psychological themes. Actually, they kinda have the same themes, and also a cast of anti-heroes up against the powers that be. I mean really there are actually a lot of similarities, which makes it even harder to choose.
But in the end I think I'm gonna have to go with Tales of Berseria. Don't get me wrong, like I said I love Persona 5. It's got better graphics and a better soundtrack, but I dunno. I really liked Berseria. There's just something about it. I think it marks a new step for the series, it's pretty much the first time the protagonist isn't some goody two-shoes, the writing I feel like has matured so much too. I think in the past, had they tried to do this same story, it woulda been much less good. Especially around when they made Symphonia. Can you imagine if they tried to execute these protagonists the way they did the antagonists of Symphonia? Oh god. It's one of the best games of the series for sure, and the feeling I get is that it either will stay that way, or better: it won't. What I mean is, I'm actually hoping the series continues this upward trend and gets even better. Other things to consider are the Big Bad of this game being better(and actually most of the antagonists are better than those in P5 oops), and how it seems like it's trying to tie the other games in the series together. But just in general, I feel like Berseria resonated with me more. Not that P5 didn't, it's just that this one did it more.
So yeah, Tales of Berseria takes first place! But really, if you haven't played both of them I'd really recommend that you do, they're both good games. Same goes for the stuff in the other "best" categories. You should play those too!
I hope you enjoyed reading this, I'm gonna be making a Anime of the Year post soon too, though I gotta figure out what's gonna take the crown this year.
The End, go home.
Hello and welcome to OH MY GOD TRUMP IS LITERALLY MURDERING MINORITIES RAPING WOMEN AND MAKING TRANSGENDER INDIVIDUALS LIVE AS THEIR BIRTH GENDER.
Is what I would say if I was completely retarded. Instead I'm gonna list off some of the best and worst games I played this year, that came out this year. Yes this time I actually have played enough recently released games make a game of the year post HOLY SHIT. Normally I spend so much time playing games that came out 1+ year ago and sometimes even 10+ years ago that I just don't play current games. I got a backlog, I love old games, and I'm still working on playing lots of games from the PSX and PS2 era, and even some games from the PS3 era. But you see this year I got a PS4 finally, so I had to of course play PS4 games, and some of them were even released this year! WOW! So, basically, keep in mind that these are just games that I actually played this year. I didn't play a lot of games so while I might mention some I never got around to/didn't have interest in, those're not gonna be receiving any "awards".
Some games that came out this year that I wanted to play but didn't get around to are:
Get Even, which seems like a an interesting and weird psychological thriller FPS. Didn't get around to it cuz I had other games + money.
Observer, which is super Blade Runner-y and has Rutger Hauer in it. Didn't get around to it cuz money and it also is kind of a walking simulator.
Echo, which I saw Vinny Caravella play on a Giant Bomb East Playdate episode, but didn't get around to it cuz money again but also it didn't seem that interesting.
And Trails in the Sky 3rd Chapter, which I didn't play cuz I just did not know it came out and it was too late by the time I did
N ow like I said I did play games released this year, though then again most of them were- FUCK. Most of the games I played were remasters, ports, and re-releases of older games. God dammit, even when I'm playing new games I'm playing old games. Well since that's most of what I played, how about we start off with that category?
REMASTERS, RE-RELEASES, AND PORTS:
Let's start by listing off all of these I played.
Kingdom Hears 2.8(port of Kingdom Hearts 3D is in there)
Kingdom Hearts 1.5+2.5(which contains a total of 4 old games that I played)
.hack//G.U. Last Recode(contains 3 and 1/8 games)
Undertale PS4
Resident Evil: Revelations PS4
Final Fantasy IX PS4
That's 11 old games. 11 of the games I played this year were remasters, ports, or just re-releases. Oof.
But then comes the question: Which is best? Well I think I can answer that!
Best Port:
This one isn't tough and in fact there's really no contest. I played 2 ports. One of which I only played like an hour of. That one's RE:Re. So Undertale wins. I mean I think that's actually a fair one, since it does have just a bit of additional content. Not much, but it's there. While the Japanese Text setting was rolled out for the PC version too, there's a new area called the Dog Shrine that's exclusive to the PS4 version. It's a totally superfluous side quest where you have to put in like around 500G, 1 at a time, as a donation to the dog shrine. And the dog keeps spending it on bullshit. At the end you get no reward or anything and have basically just wasted your time and money.
But you get trophies!
Best Remaster/Re-release:
There was a toss up between KH1.5+2.5 and Last Recode but there's a certain something in Recode that makes it lose the match instantly. So
Kingdom Hearts HD 1.5+2.5 ReMIX is the winner! Recode has some nice stuff, like the terminal disc and the parody mode videos, BUT KH has 4 whole games, 2 cutscene compilations, and when you beat a game you unlock a cool theme for your PS4! With other factors it's the clear winner.
Now that we got old games out of the way, how about new games? Well, let's start with the worsts of the year, since that's most fun and I didn't play many bad games anyway.
Dumbest Game:
Outlast 2
Now, lemme stress that Outlast 2 is not a bad game. It's not one of the worst games of 2017. It is however really fucking stupid. I mentioned it on twitter when I was playing but lemme list off some things this game features:
Blood Shower
Blood Toilet
Blood Hallway
Blood Rain
Blood Lake
There was lots of fucking blood. It was hilarious, not scary. I can't believe they were trying to scare me with this. I mean are you fucking kidding me?
Worst Horror Game:
Don't Knock Twice
I haven't seen Don't Knock Twice, the horror movie that this game was made to be a tie in for, but if I had maybe this game woulda made some sense. There's no set up. They just drop you into a spooky house and you just kinda wander around looking for where to go next. The only thing that lets me know at all what's going on is the summary on the PSN page. I'm pretty sure it was ripped from the movie's wikipedia article. Basically you just wander around in the dark and I honestly can't remember anything happening, at least anything that was a threat to me. I had no idea where I was going and I finally got to puzzle where I had to find 3 alchemy things, but I was only able to find one. It wasn't scary, it was boring, and it was total nonsense.
Worst Remake:
Yakuza Kiwami
There's nothing "extreme" about Kiwami, aside how "extremely" unbalanced it is. So Yakuza Kiwami is a ground up remake of Yakuza. Not a remaster, not an "enhanced version". It's a remake. They remade it with a new engine for a new console. They didn't change the story, just the gameplay and also made some additions. Sounds great, right? That's the kind of thing we want. Ever since they started putting out "x with better graphics", people have been wanting them to actually make that and not just put out these lazy remasters. So for Yakuza Kiwami and Shadow of the Colossus, they did. But Kiwami sucks. You want a good ground up remake, you go play Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes. Don't come here. They changed the combat to how it was in Yakuza 0, which is basically just giving one character all the fighting styles of the different Yakuza characters. What I mean by this is Rush Mode is just Akiyama's fighting style, Beast Mode is just Taiga's fighting style, etc. Remember when you played Yakuza 4 and instead of being Kiryu you were a loan shark named Akiyama? Remember how cool it was that he played so differently from Kiryu? Remember when you then were put in control of Taiga, and he was big and heavy and could PICK UP FUCKING MOTORBIKES? Well fuck that shit. Now Kiryu just does all that. Coming Soon: Yakuza 4 Kiwami, where you just play as Kiryu instead of the others cuz now he plays the same as all of them. The Majima Everywhere system is bullshit and turns him into a full on joke. Most of the substories are just "fight some dudes okay it's over". Every boss does a stupid HP recovery thing that makes them pretty much invincible during it and the move that stops it from happening doesn't work half the time. Guns and most knives cause Kiryu to grovel on the floor for 30 seconds before you can move again and A BUNCH OF BOSSES NEAR THE END USE GUNS. The combos are way more basic "mash square and then triangle a bunch". You can't play the arcade games. Pocket Circuit is guessing and luck. Most bosses don't have cool QTEs anymore. Learning Komakis moves is a pain in the ass. The game is not fun.
Yakuza Kiwami is a turd.
Worst Game of The Year:
.hack//G.U. Vol. 4//Reconnection:
This could also work for "biggest disappointment" even more so than Kiwami. You know why? Because this isn't a game. This is a digital fanfiction. And you know what, it wouldn't be so bad, if this was just something that already existed and was put on this collection. But no, this is a new game. This was never before released. This is the lost volume 4 that they didn't get to make until now. And it's a fucking 3 hour fanfiction.
I'm sorry did I say 3 hours? Well that's how long it took me personally. It took my friend 90 minutes to beat it. Volume 4. Of a series that typically had 20 hour installments. 1-3 hours. Are you fucking kidding me? And that'd be bad enough! Sure the story is poorly paced, it's just plot point to plot point "hey we found ovan we need the epitaph to save him but zelkova has the epitaph gotta save him his sister took us to the monster that ate him okay we saved him and got the epitaph back so we save ovan oh the sister was really aida but she's not bad oh no that monsters back okay we beat him the end". That's the story. They put BRAND NEW NEVER BEFORE SEEN volume 4 on here. I was looking forward to this. Sure, I bought it to play these games again but I wanted to see this new volume too. It was garbage. Total fucking ass. It was 2~ hours of hot garbage straight from fanfiction dot fucking net. Like seriously, so much of this nonsense makes no sense and comes off like how you'd write a fanfic sequel. Haseo has been working for the NAB, the Network Administration Bureau, aka the big major thing since so much of life in the .hack world is digital including the government now, for a year. It has been a year since the end of 3. When he was 17. He got a job at the NAB at 17. And somehow after working there for only a year and having no computer knowledge outside of being able to run his god damn vr headset, he has rose to the top, become a researcher, created mods that can destroy creatures in a game he didn't develop, and figured out where Ovan is. Oh right somehow Ovan is also physically still in the world and we have to save him in there to un-coma him. But he's encased in ice for some reason. Zelkova has a sister but it's not actually his sister because she's Aida. So aida is a kuudere loli. There is a random monster that is after Haseo because this fanfic needs an outer conflict it's an action story. Zelkova is actually not human and is an AI... because. Sakubo has gone completely insane. Endrance is even gayer than normal. You can marry Ovan at the end. Ovan also wants to die for some reason? Cuz it's angsty? Do you believe me that this is a fanfic yet? Like I mean it, I wouldn't be surprised if this exact story was on archive of our own or something. They even rehash the ending of 3 in this. It's the same as fucking Cubia but less meaningful. This "game" is a mess. It's crap. It's shit. It's a disappointment. It's a ripoff. I know I bought these for the other games but how many people bought it for this? This game is about as long as fucking Ground Zeroes, and that game was GOOD.
Fuck.
Second Worst Game I Didn't Play:
Doki Doki Literature Club!
More like Doki Doki SHITerature Club!
So I lied at the beginning. I didn't play this game but it's getting an award anyway. Doki Doki Literature Club, for those who have luckily never been unfortunate enough to hear of it, is a VN that masquerades as a fairly generic dating sim about being in a book club at a japanese high school.
It's not.
There, I spoiled it. It's not that. It's the Madoka Magica of VNs. It pretends it's a lighthearted thing but it's actually dark, so people play it goin "oh man I bet this is shit" and then see it's super dark and CURAAAAAAAYZY and they tell more people "M-MAN WOW Y-YOU GOTTA PLAY THIS I WON'T SPOIL IT BUT HEHEHEH IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK HAHAHA". I admit I fell victim to this bullshit when I saw Madoka. I'm so glad I didn't perpetuate it this time. It's so fucking dumb. Look I'm not saying a game can't be all dark, that it can't be more than it first appears to be, that it can't take a genre and play with it. I'm a Spec Ops: The Line apologist. I like Undertale for fucks sake. NieR(not automata) is one of my favorite games. I love Ever 17: ~The Out of Infinity~, which appears to be just a story about people getting stuck in a underwater thing and needing to get out but is way more complicated and even employs metanarrative misdirections that rely on your expectations to work. I'm not saying you can't do something like this, I'm saying you can't do this.
Speaking of a meta game where you do shit with character files and get messages from the dev while the game is running, just play One Shot instead. It's way better, not edgy, and isn't pretending to be some other game entirely.
Oh and btw, I wonder if you noticed it saying the dev was Dan Salvato. Yeah, this isn't even fucking japanese you faggots. The only good thing I can say about this is that it's free, so at the very least he's not charging people money for this crap.
This game and how people see it is so bad even the negative reviews are shit!
Oh man you guys I'm givin this game a negative reviee cuz it was TOO SCARY OH EM GEE.
I don't even need to comment on this one do I?
There is a pretty good one actually. Really good. Read this one:
http://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198002101271/recommended/698780/
Worst Game I Didn't Play:
"NieR": Automata
It may seem weird that I'm gonna be spending less time shitting on this than I did for Shitty Shitty Pisserature Crab, but don't get me wrong. This game is worse, I hate it more, and it pisses me off more. The difference is two things: 1: Despite hating the fuck out of this game, I imagine I'd probably enjoy it more than I would DDLC if I played it, because I mean it is 90% the same game as it's predecessor. 2: I'm tired of fucking thinking about this game. I've bitched about it on twitter for like a year now. I've seen people spasming with joy over how amazing it is for like a year now. I've heard as in actually audibly heard people jerking off over how great it is for like a year now. I wanna put this thing behind me. I only wanna think about this game ever again if it becomes free on PS+ so I can find out if there's anything of merit in this soulless rehash cashgrab without supporting it financially, or at the very least be better able to write a long bitchy review of it. Until that day comes, and probably not even on that day, I wanna pretend this does not exist.
I'll say this, and that's gonna be the end of it:
"NieR": Automata™ is the Obnoxious Pretentious Hipster Retard Version of NieR: Replicant/Gestalt, made to pander to the lowest common denominator of gamer, much like DDLC. The only people who like it are people who either didn't play the original, didn't like the original, or just pretend to be fans of the original. I hate how popular it is, not just cuz it's a lazy rehash, but because the majority of its fans don't care about the original at all. Fuck it.
Now that that nonsense is outta the way, how about some bests? Let's start with a simple one!
Cutest Game:
Snake Pass vs. A Hat In Time
I didn't play that many cute games this year, surprisingly. And I haven't even finished either of the above! Maybe that's a little unfair but I mean I don't think it's that big of a deal. This is kind of a tough choice. Snake Pass is super cute, you play as a viva pinata-ass lookin snake that sliiiiiides around and collects stuff, and you have to solve puzzles of how to get up on to things when you have no arms. It's a unique game, I dunno if there are any other games where you play as a snake outside of like a mini game or somethin'. You do that in this, and it's super fun. The mechanics are great, because, well, you're controlling a snake! But I gotta say... for cutness I think A Hat In Time beats it out. It is adorable. Anyone who's been following its production knows this, double if you've actually played it. One of the first things you can do is dive off a diving board into a pool of pillows and swim around in them. The second thing you can do is ride on a roomba that has a cute little >_< face. You play as a little girl in a top hat. One of the trophies is for sitting in like 3 chairs and it's called "If I Fit, I Sit.". This game is the cutest.
Best Tech Demo:
Kingdom Hearts 0.2: Birth by Sleep ~A Fragmentary Passage~
What a title. KH0.2 is a basically a KH3 tech demo, but you still get a bit of story stuff. It's an expansion of the "A Fragmentary Passage" super secret(as in it was the second secret ending) from Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep. That took place after the True Ending, and let you take control of Aqua as she fights Heartless for the first time. The same thing happens here, she's trapped in the Realm of Darkness and fights the Heartless there. This time however, you see that what's happening to her is occurring alongside KH1, and actually ends around the time of that game's ending. It's basically a set up for how we're gonna get Aqua out of there, and even a little bit for how we can potentially save Terra, who should be gone for good considering both his Heartless and Nobody are dead. But that alone wouldn't be enough, what's great is that it shows off the new combat system, which I think is immensely improved. It basically combines the fun over the top contextual Reaction Commands from II with the deck and style system from BBS, both of which are improved. The controls feel so much less clunky than they used to, everything flows and is fun to do. You still get to do cool shit like teaming up with mickey to blast a big thing with light beams from your keyblade, but it's no longer just a matter of "well this is the part of the fight where this happens press triangle to do the thing". Now you have to build up your command style meter to pull those things off. So it actually requires skill at the game! And unlike before your skill at the game isn't hampered by the awkwardness of the controls, everything feels great. Everything looks great too, and I'm looking forward to how KHIII will look because of it. It's fun you get to fight new enemies and use new abilities, and get a sneak peek at what's to come!
Best Horror Game:
Resident Evil 7 vs. Yomawari: Midnight Shadows
This one is a tough choice for really reals. I love RE7, I'm so glad I was able to play it around when it came out. It's a lot of fun, it's a great survival horror game, it's a great Resident Evil game, and it looks fucking gorgeous especially with my PLAYSTATION 4 PRO. No seriously, it's one of the first games to be PS4 ENHANCED(Hanced, hanced, hanced...) and it looks even better. I like it a lot I mean A LOT. But... I also really like Yomawari 2. I really like the first Yomawari, it's a really good spooky game. Yomawari 2 is much more of the same and it actually kinda scares me sometimes. It's not to say RE7's atmosphere isn't good, but I think Yomawari's is maybe better. The monsters in either don't really scare me. Though, there are probably more tense moments in RE7, since in Yomawari when you die don't even lose puzzle progress. Then again, you die in one hit in Yomawari and in RE7 you can buff yourself up so much nothing can kill you. Or at least not easily. RE7 is more cheesy cuz it's Resident Evil, but also sometimes Yomawari is unintentionally goofy like when... pots are attacking you.
See the dilemma here?
I honestly dunno which to pick. Even if we go with graphics for some dumb reason, you'd think RE7 would win but I love the artstyle and design of Yomawari. I hate it when people make 2D games these days and still make them pixel shit. We don't have to use pixels anymore guys, we can have actual drawings with actual animations for sprites now. It used to be pandering to nostalgia but now it's just a thing you do. You're makin an indie game it's pixels. But here comes Yomawari with lovely artwork and cute sprites that aren't pixelart. And hell a horror game that's that instead of pixels? God damn. And I actually really like stuff like Lone Survivor. Still, RE7 looks damn good. I also haven't actually finished Yomawari. I finished RE7 and that... actually reminds me that there's the part where you have to play the boat section twice and that trying to go with the cute southern short hair gets you the bad ending. Plus the last boss is as "walk forward and guard", and then basically just an action sequence you can't lose. So you know what?
Yomawari: Midnight Shadows wins best horror game!
Game of the Year:
Tales of Berseria vs. Persona 5
Oof, this is a tough one. Which to choose? I love both of them. I love the Tales series, I love the Persona series. Both have some really great Dramatic JRPG Moments, though 5's is maybe better. It really is pretty hard to choose. Some of the parts of 5 feel like filler, like the Kaneshiro part(he didn't even have any relation to one of the main cast until the arc starts), but Berseria has plenty of filler too I mean it's a Tales game. I can't make the judgement based on that. Both took me about 100 hours to beat. Both have fantastically improved combat mechanics for their series. Both have some great fill o sofy cal and psychological themes. Actually, they kinda have the same themes, and also a cast of anti-heroes up against the powers that be. I mean really there are actually a lot of similarities, which makes it even harder to choose.
But in the end I think I'm gonna have to go with Tales of Berseria. Don't get me wrong, like I said I love Persona 5. It's got better graphics and a better soundtrack, but I dunno. I really liked Berseria. There's just something about it. I think it marks a new step for the series, it's pretty much the first time the protagonist isn't some goody two-shoes, the writing I feel like has matured so much too. I think in the past, had they tried to do this same story, it woulda been much less good. Especially around when they made Symphonia. Can you imagine if they tried to execute these protagonists the way they did the antagonists of Symphonia? Oh god. It's one of the best games of the series for sure, and the feeling I get is that it either will stay that way, or better: it won't. What I mean is, I'm actually hoping the series continues this upward trend and gets even better. Other things to consider are the Big Bad of this game being better(and actually most of the antagonists are better than those in P5 oops), and how it seems like it's trying to tie the other games in the series together. But just in general, I feel like Berseria resonated with me more. Not that P5 didn't, it's just that this one did it more.
So yeah, Tales of Berseria takes first place! But really, if you haven't played both of them I'd really recommend that you do, they're both good games. Same goes for the stuff in the other "best" categories. You should play those too!
I hope you enjoyed reading this, I'm gonna be making a Anime of the Year post soon too, though I gotta figure out what's gonna take the crown this year.
The End, go home.
oh berseria IS THE SUPREME CHAMPION
ReplyDeleteim like these BATTLES instead of just THE WINNERS
He learn the TOTALLY SHOCKING TRUTH of the doki dokis. Boy that thing is fucking dumb.
DeleteOh speaking of "dokis" I learned during my research that some people refer to the girls as "dokis". I feel like this just shows the type of people that like this game aka fake weebs.
Same with Yandere simulator like I genuinely think the target audience is the same, that's why I included the thing from tvtropes about it.