Rest in Peace, Kentaro Miura.

I can't catch a break.

So, Kentarou Miura died. 

I won't pretend that I care more about him dying then his story not being finished, at least by him(it would not at all be the same by someone else, even if that happened). But I think I do feel more sad about it? 

I think I mentioned that it was unlikely we'd see the ending in our lifetimes in my review, but if not: It was unlikely we'd have seen the ending in our lifetimes. He claims the story was like, what, 80% complete in terms of plot progression? But, Berserk is 90% things other than plot progression. A lot has happened, but that's just raw events: In terms of plot, it could have been done in 10 or 15 volumes, instead of 40 fuckin volumes, if it's concerns were not elsewhere. I would imagine we were not 5 or volumes from the end, but likely 20 or more, if it continued at it's pace of character, world, lore, and theme building. That's, if it delivered a fully satisfying conclusion to all characters and their stories, while also concluding things in terms of an action and structure sense. Here is a list of just some characters who needed to have their stories completed and or needed to be defeated in battle, or haven't been fought yet, or outright haven't been properly developed yet: Grunbeld, Rakshas, Locus, Zodd, Void, Slan, Ubek, Conrad, Silat, Rickert, Skull Knight, Casca, Moonlight Boy, Irvine, Sonia and Mule, probably Magnifico and Roederick, Farnese's father?, and of course Griffith. I might be forgetting some. 

Maybe he would have lived to finish it, but I kinda doubt it. 

So really, while I'm upset, I feel like I knew this was coming. At the pace the chapters came out, and the amount of story left to tell, I dunno if either of us woulda survived to see the end. An ending coulda been rushed some, quickly wrap up character arcs, quickly wrap up the plot, quickly defeat the bads, maybe all in one fell swoop. It could be a real big let down! On the bright side, at least something like that cannot happen now.

But I still feel real sad, knowing it can't. Knowing he won't be able to make it anymore. The story will never be concluded by his hand. I feel bad knowing that, these characters are just left in the wind like that. Casca is still having PTSD attacks when she sees Guts. I dunno what the deal is with the Moonlight Boy. I don't get to find out if causality can really be defied or if they can never escape the control. 

That's bad, but I can kinda deal with it, I guess. I can invent my own ending, in my head. I can conceive of a lot of things, tie up the loose ends in my head. I can imagine fantastical battles. Fittingly, I can decide my own destiny instead of letting "god" decide it for me, relying on "god" to determine their fate. 

Which is why I kinda feel more sad about him dying. I can make an ending, he can't. He died before he could finish it.

I don't have a big crazy story about how Berserk "saved my life", I'm not one of those melodramatic people for whom one specific piece of fiction is the most important thing and literally stopped them from dying or something... instead, multiple pieces of fiction are what I base my life and identity around. That's, uh, better, right? Anyway, no, I ironically just got into Berserk like what, 4 months ago? I talked about it in my review. This is the first time this has happened, I've gotten into several series that will never be completed, either because the author died or because the author just can't, or maybe because it got canceled. I even watched the Five Star Stories movie only to learn the manga has been going on since the 80s, most of it isn't translated, and the author retconned it to fit in with some stupid overly ambitious film he made. This was always after the fact. Yes, Berserk was always on hiatus, but it could still be finished. I've never been here when it happened, and it feels fucking terrible. 

I recently watched some of the movies that he was inspired by; Flesh+Blood, from Paul Verhoeven, and Hellraiser I and II. I had, again super ironically, and sad, just finished watching Hellraiser II when I heard the news. As the villain of the movie was transformed into a Cenobite that is even stronger than the others, I said "oh my god it really is just like in Berserk". Perhaps this caused some sort of Bearentain/stein dimension shift? Did I utter the words which must not be spoken? 

I dunno, but I do know Miura seemed like a pretty cool guy. He liked a lot of western movies, seems like he was a big westaboo. It's part of what makes Berserk good, is that fusion of western influence and japanese sensibilities. Like Silent Hill, and Kojima games. He liked cool art, he liked to play IM@S, he matured over time and made his manga much less edgy and gratuitous, he wrote great characters, partly because he liked shoujo manga and how character driven they are, with the detail they give to characters. He had good taste in anime girls too, he said Casca was his "ideal woman" at the time. Dude liked short hair brown tomboys, so I like him. Not to mention how much he influenced others, as people have said: Likely wouldn't be a Souls or Monster Hunter series without him, saying nothing of his influence on fantasy, dark or otherwise. It's a big loss, and I feel bad that he was not able to finish his magnum opus

However, I think that we should take some solace in this: He didn't finish Berserk, but he did create it. Look at that paragraph again. He's already done so much. It would have been great if he finished writing it, but what he has written is great, moving, deep, often beautiful. I can't ever forget the characters he's written now, I can't forget the story, or the artwork. He didn't finish Berserk, but he did create it. I think that's more than enough. 

Try not to be sad. I'm saying this for me, nobody reads my blog. Someone might see this, so if you do, take it to heart too. I won't say that stupid "smile because it happened" thing, I'll just say: Try to be happy that you can even be sad about it. People I don't really know much about die all the time, I see people upset about it, but I can't feel much of anything about it. Didn't know them, didn't know their work. You wouldn't be sad if he didn't already do something really great. 

You got something great, and he created something great. 

When you're ready, move on. Head back out on the road, and keep Struggling.

The dreams that have faded, never forget them